Foundations

"They may forget what you said.  But they will never forget how you made them feel."
 ~Carl W.Buechner


One of my all time favorite quotes.  Because it's so true.  A child is so resilient yet so fragile.  A person's self worth is rapidly developing in their first few years of life.  Why do so many people have such a low self image?  Why do so many people think they're worthless?  Why do so many people have to soul search and go to counseling just so that they can free themselves and be truly happy?  The answer is probably "Because when they were a child, someone crushed their spirit.  Or at least tried to."


Raise your hand if you ever had a teacher (or other adult) make you feel embarrassed or worthless as a child.   Do you think it was intentional?  I had a teacher who completely humiliated me and broke me down and made me feel like I was nothing.  Every single day.  And I was only in second grade.  SECOND. GRADE.


I think a lot of us don't check our tone or our words when we're speaking to children.  I'm guilty of raising my voice and such from time to time.  Is it my kids' fault?  No.. It's usually because I'm having a stressful day or I have too much on my plate in that very moment.  So a simple request for juice can provoke a "JUST a MINUTE PLEASE!" from me.. I always feel badly and apologize and explain to my child that I was busy in the moment and that it wasn't their fault that I got upset.  


Why do adults feel that they have the right to break a child's spirit?  Why do some people think that it's acceptable to slap a child or scream at them?  


All this talk about teens committing suicide and people having to go through hours and hours of intensive therapies and I can't help but think "Maybe if they had an adult in their life who had shown them that they are loved and cherished they would be okay.  Maybe if someone hadn't felt superior enough to talk down to them or abuse them then they wouldn't be thinking about ending it all".  


Adults don't treat one another like they sometimes treat children.  Adults tend to treat one another with respect and dignity and.. well--like human beings.  Folks, children are people too.  They're smaller than us.  They're younger than us.  They're more adventurous and energetic and understanding and kind.  But they're people all the same.  Children aren't the future, they're the NOW.  And if they are treated like they are inferior then they will grow to believe they are inferior.  Then we're left with a world full of adults who think that they have nothing to offer.  Sounds pretty hopeless, huh?


How would you feel if you walked in to work late and your boss yelled at you with his finger in your face while he towered a good three feet above you?  Then, frazzled, you try to do your very best to make him happy and win his approval back.  But, in your haste to please him, you spill his coffee on his lap.  Then he stands right up and just gives you a big 'ol SMACK and tells you to go isolate yourself from your co-workers and friends.  Then they all tease you.  


That would be our life if we had to live adult scenarios in a child's day to day.  Not ALL children.  I'd venture to say that probably not even the majority.  But ONE adult that makes a child feel like they are nothing is all it takes.  It doesn't have to be a parent.  It can be a teacher, doctor, family member, babysitter, daycare worker, etc.. 


We have to be sure that we build a strong foundation for our children to stand on.  We have to make sure they are steadfast in knowing that they are unique and amazing.  Because they are.  And they deserve dignified treatment and the utmost respect.  So give it to them.  Remember, good or bad: They may not remember exactly what you said but they will remember how it made them feel.