You're Selfish If You...

Attention moms:  You may not know it but once you become a mother you have to absolutely forfeit most parts of yourself and become a mass of mother and nothing more   put your children before yourself.  What?  Didn't you know that?  Seriously.  Read on.

You're selfish if you:

• pee alone.
• shower alone.
• eat your food without sharing it with one of your children.
• don't wash the Superman shirt EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. so your kid can wear it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
• spend a little money on yourself.
• get a bath.
• buy yourself some new jeans.
• even THINK about a new purse or makeup.
• poop alone.
• brush your teeth alone.
• turn the TV away from Nick Jr.
• take the time to dry your hair.
• poop without holding someone.
• tell your children/spouse "I just need a minute".
• get a sitter to go on a date.
• wouldn't even think about girls' night.
• don't let your children consume every waking thought.  And the sleeping ones.

Guys, I love being a mother.  I've been extremely blessed.  My kids are fabulous and being a mother is what I do best.  But YOU DON'T GET DISQUALIFIED FOR THE MOTHER OF THE YEAR AWARD for making some time for yourself!  

I homeschool, so both of the Stumplings are around me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  They probably get tired of me too!  It's okay to call the grandparents and take them up on their offers to spoil your children rotten babysit.  It's okay to go get a pedicure.  If you find a bit of makeup, GET IT (especially if it's on sale...).  If you and your spouse need a date, go on one!  If you just want to take a cotton pickin' crap without someone on your lap, guess what?  That's okay, too.  (and if you're a mom and say that you've never been to the toilet without one of your offspring on your lap I'd wager you aren't telling the truth)  Go get that sassy haircut you've been wanting.  Go to Mom's Morning Out or Mom's Night Out.  Tell the hubby to watch the kids for an hour so you can soak in the tub with a good book (I highly recommend the trilogy by Liz Curtis Higgs, by the way!).  I like to stay up a little later and get up a little earlier than my children so I can have a little time with myself and my Bible before the day begins and after it ends.  It's okay to tell your adorable dumplings that you want them to eat off their plate instead of yours.  They'll also survive if the Superman shirt isn't clean every. single. day.  

Now, I'm not saying to do all of these things at once.  And I'm not saying that it's okay to put yourself ahead of the other members of your family.  I'm just saying that there's still a YOU behind the Mom.

These are all things I struggled with.  I thought that if I didn't have my children with me every waking second of every single day I was failing them as a mother.  I thought that if I didn't do everything perfectly and guide them on every step they took I wasn't doing my job.  And have mercy on me, you can forget letting them climb a ladder to a slide without me hovering like disaster was going to strike.

Then I realized that it's okay to take a few minutes to myself.

Guess how....

My kids told me they were tired of me.

Really.. Well it went more along the lines of "Mama, can't we hang out with someone else?  We have to be with you all the time.". 

Um.. Okay.  So, it wasn't just me that needed a little break here and there.  MY KIDS DID, TOO!  They were actually sick of me!  Although I don't know how because I'm jam packed full of awesome.

THEY needed a break.  THEY needed to go to visit the grandparents for a few hours.  THEY wanted me to get out of THEIR hair for a little while. 

And guess what?  As a result of my mini breaks, I'm a better mother.  I'm a better wife.  I'm a better me.  Because I can acknowledge that there is still a me.  I'm still mostly mom.  And I LOVE every second. (Well, mostly every second.  The finger painting with poop and eating beetles seconds aren't too much fun, although they are funny in hindsight.)  My kids are happier without HELICOPTER MOM breathing down their necks every minute.  My kids have gotten the chance to develop absolutely amazing relationships with their grandparents.  My kids learn new things because they can hang out with the Mom's Morning Out crew.  My kids are actually happy to see me and don't have the *sarcasm* "Oh yay, another awesome day with Mama" look on their faces every minute.  

So, all you superhero moms out there, it's okay to take just a sec for you.  All you moms who are struggling with guilt because you feel badly taking a minute for yourself, it's okay to remember that you're still insert your name here.  For all of you wives who feel like you're slipping away from your spouse, it's okay to find a sitter for your kids so you can go on a date and rekindle your romance.  For all you Christian mothers, it's okay to lock yourself in a room and have some time for you and God.  

Try it.  I'm telling you.  Your whole family will be happier.